I failed Jesus again. And I had my own words to love others ringing fresh in my ears.
On a flight to Chicago, I was sandwiched between Terry on the aisle and a rather large woman next to the window. I am being gracious with the, “rather large” description. You could tell she was not at all thrilled to have someone sitting next to her. I was none too thrilled, either, since she took up half of my seat. To make matters worse, the air conditioning didn’t appear to be working on this flight, so it was extremely warm. Having half of her body weight over me certainly didn’t help. Still, I said hello, and once buckled and settled, offered her some of my hand sanitizer.
She declined.
When the flight attendant brought beverages, this woman’s arms would not have been able to reach over, due to her size. I took it from the short, male flight attendant, careful to cup and hold it by the bottom with her napkin, and handed it to her. I’ve done this on dozens of flights in the past few months and have never minded, one bit. Nor has anyone next to me minded. In fact, on the last flight, the woman seated next to me said to me, “my goodness, what great service! I owe you a big, fat tip!” and we both laughed.
This woman, however, took offense.
“I DID NOT WANT YOU AND YOUR NASTY GERM HANDS ALL UP IN MY DRINK.”
Keep in mind, I touched only the bottom of her cup, with the napkin touching the cup, itself, not my hand. But as she continued to squash me, I wondered how she intended to reach this, herself? I was floored. I said, “Oh my stars, I have offended you. I’m so terribly sorry that my trying to be kind and reach that for you has so deeply upset you. I didn’t touch the rim, but seeing how upset you are, let me call that flight attendant back over and tell him how I have offended you and get you a fresh coke, how about that?”
Ok. I am well aware that sarcasm is not the best way to show Jesus. But a, “Well, Miss Hateful, how did you expect to get this handed to you by a short flight attendant and your arms couldn’t reach over me, to get it?” would not have been kind.
So, to appease the woman who was terribly offended by my grubby (yet recently hand sanitized) paws touching the bottom of her cup, I flagged down the flight attendant and asked him to bring her another drink and figure out how to hand it to her, himself. He seemed as shocked as I was, and even asked her, “Are you serious? I saw her hand it to you and she didn’t touch the top.”
This woman rudely shouted, “Bring me another one. NOW!”
No please and no thank you.
That kind man returned and practically had to crawl over Terry to reach across me, to hand the fresh coke, from his ungloved hand, I might add, to the woman.
I get it. It’s a global pandemic. She thought even after she saw me using my Bath and Body Works Stress Relief hand sanitizer for the second time at this point, by touching the bottom of her cup with the napkin, to where her tray table was, this was a scary, terrifying situation.
But here’s the kicker. She proceeded to cough for the rest of the flight. All while squashing the left side of my body.
“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” - Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
Believe me. I had a plethora of sarcastic comments leap to mind. “Gee, I hope your cough gets better.”
“My goodness, I hope you don’t have COVID since you have proceeded to cough all over me.”
And, “I truly hope you find Jesus to help you work through your anger.”
But the heartfelt love would be missing in the midst of those sarcastic comments (and in the face of her hatefulness to me), so I instead said nothing. I sat squashed for the entire two and a half hour flight, and quietly read my book.
It’s getting harder and harder to love people when they’re so unkind. But we have to keep trying. I tried, but she wasn’t interested.
Doesn’t mean the next person won’t be interested.
Some people are going to respond to kindness like the precious Starbucks barista I told you about, Friday. And some are going to respond to kindness the way this lady did. You never know why a person is the way they are.
Two months ago, I sat next to a lady who was flying out for her brother’s funeral. She could not have been more loving and kind. We exchanged email addresses and have kept in touch.
Another lady was visiting her brother who was in the hospital with COVID; a brother with whom she had a very estranged relationship, she told me, due to a lot of anger and hateful comments over the years. Yet she remained hopeful that kindness would win, and their relationship could be healed.
Another woman told me she is a geologist, and she was extremely animated pointing out the mountains we flew over, and how many gems she found in various locations. A large man sat quietly next to me on one flight, thanked me profusely for handing his beverage to him, explaining his coffee had been spilled on the woman next to him on his previous flight, and how just a tiny reach from me, went a long way in his book, and how he appreciated the gesture.
A man seated next to me told me he was learning to play golf, but at his age, his body was all beat up and everything hurt. When I handed his coffee to him on that flight, he said if the flight attendant hadn’t already added the cream, he was going to ask me to help him stir it, he was so sore. We both laughed at how much he appreciated the “extra help so I don’t have to reach.”
All of these people sitting next to me accepted my drink pass with gratitude. Not this woman. And no matter how kind I was to her, she did not want me and my germ hands all up in her drink.
She ruffled my feathers, believe me. Because I have a pinched nerve and on that flight, I couldn’t even shift in my seat because she was on half of it, I was in a lot of pain and discomfort. Snarky Aimee wanted to make an appearance and just let her know this flight was no more pleasurable for me and my pinched nerve, than it was for her with my germ hands touching the bottom of her cup.
But I tried to picture Jesus. He told us what we do for the least of these, we do for Him. So I did not grace this woman with my snarky, sarcastic humor. I realized she was a person I simply could not charm, but that didn’t give me the right to be unkind in return.
I’m not going to lie. I felt defeated. I can normally soften and charm people. The fact that I got nowhere with this woman was frustrating.
When we got off the plane in Chicago, I really had to tinkle. Terry told me he would wait for me right by the restroom. There was a long line to wait and get in, and once I came out and went to wash my hands, we were all waiting our turn to use the sinks. A woman next to me said her paper towel dispenser seemed empty. So I got extra out of the one in front of me and handed them over to her.
She told me, “You can’t see me, but I’m smiling. I just sat next to the rudest man and thought everybody has turned into complete jerks! Thank you for showing me not everyone is!” (She didn’t say, “jerk” so you can use your imagination with a word that rhymes with classmole). I nodded and told her I thought the same about a woman I just sat next to, but was convinced we could still show this hurting world the face of Jesus. I said, “If not us, then who?”
I get it. It’s hard. Harder and harder every single day, it seems. But we need to not use foul or abusive (sarcastic) language and let everything we say be good and helpful so our words will be an encouragement to those who hear us.
It’s hard, y’all. It’s very hard. But we can’t stop now. We have to show this world the love of Jesus.
We can sprinkle His love like confetti in Times Square to everyone, even if they don’t want to accept it.
If not us, then who?